MYSTERIES OF THE HUMAN GENOME REVEALED!

One of the most surprising things we've learned about our genetic makeup 
is the fact that we have far fewer genes than previously believed. Before 
the human genome was completed, we were believed to be made up of roughly 
100,000 separate genes. We have since learned that we only have 30,000, 
which isn't that much more than the average house-plant.

According to scientists, more than 200 human genes come to us from 
bacteria. Which helps explain the existence of Pauly Shore and Sean 
"P-Diddy" Combs.

One of the most incredible discoveries made by genome researchers is the 
fact that there are certain sequences of DNA that act as a permanent 
record of human evolution, charting 800 million years of mutation and 
development. This means that we will soon have the capacity to look into 
the past, and shut up all those idiots who think evolution is bullshit.

Listen up, men! In plumbing the secrets of the human genome, scientists 
have inadvertently confirmed what we all knew, intuitively, all along: MEN 
are at the forefront of evolutionary mutation! In fact, the rate of 
genetic mutation among men is roughly twice the rate of female genetic 
mutation! So be proud, penis-wielders! For it is WE who are the genetic 
trailblazers, speeding the species ever forward towards 
who-the-hell-knows-what!

It turns out those hippies were onto something... there really is a 
Brotherhood of Man. Whether you're black, white, Asian, Latino, Eskimo 
Zulu, Canadian, Australian or Kiwi, your DNA is 99.9% identical to the DNA 
of your different-looking neighbors. This does not apply to Belgians, 
however, who are more closely related to the lowly starfish than to 
humans, for some reason. :-)