# TO: All Employees # From: Management # Subject: Special High Intensity Training # # In order to ensure the highest levels of quality of work from our # employees, it will be our policy to keep employees well trained # through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T). # # We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than any other # company. # # If you feel that you do not get your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, # please see your manager. You will immediately be placed at the top # of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing # that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle. # # Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in the # Departmental Employee Evaluation Program (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those # who fail to take the D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go on # the Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers # took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do # S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already. # # If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in the job of # training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture # List (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will # get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for a promotion to Director of # Intensity Programs (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.). # # If you have any further questions, please direct them to our Head # Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.). # # Signed, # Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training # (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)